Broken
by Sevvie.Rose
Summary: Teddy is trying to get Victoire to be at least his friend after their break-up, but she isn't cooperating. How does this make him feel? Based on an RP I'm in. Written by Sevvie. I do not own HP - borrowing the characters.


**[I wanted you to know, I love the way you laugh,]**

Theodore watched her walk away from him and disappear into the crowd, she couldn't have meant that, that she wanted him to stay away, he couldn't do that, he loved her and to be away from her… to not hear that beautiful laugh every day, to not see that smile, those angelic eyes stare at him glistening with curiosity as he asked him a question, to not hear her speak to him or even to not catch her distinctive scent in the air – the scent daily he got high on from happiness – it just couldn't be done. To not have Victoire around him daily would set him off in madness.

He slowly walked out the door, tears streaming down his face, his black hair growing longer to completely cover his eyes as he wandered aimlessly down the halls, it had only been a few minutes, but to /know/ he wouldn't be seeing her… for gods know how long his chest tightened with pain and he couldn't breathe, why did things have to end this way?

**[I wanna hold you high, and steal your pain away.]**

He thought about it, he seriously thought about it as he finally reached his destination: The Astronomy Tower, his mind had brought him here and he stared down the top of it, tears still going strong as he wondered what it would feel like to have it all gone, the confusion of relationships, the hurt, even the love, and the fear of /him/ coming for him. He thought maybe things would be easier for everyone, but alas he was too chicken to even go through with it.

He fell to his knees and crawled over to a tight corner, sitting against the wall and pulling his knees to his chest as he began to sob against his knees, wondering where it all went wrong, and ignoring the obvious answer: The day he was born.

**[I keep your photograph, and I know it serves me well,]**

He blinked away the blurry vision as he pulled a photograph out of his pocket, one of him and Victoire, he had her in his arms and she was doing that beautiful fail of a smug look at the camera and he had his tongue darted out in a childish manner – last summer, when they were happy, before he started acting like a git, before everything changed. He ran his thumb down her beautiful face and wondered why he kept this, when he was with her he acted like he didn't care, why should he carry around a small gesture such as this? Because he loved her, oh gods how he felt he was wronging James, but he couldn't help it, why did he have to fall for two people? Was it even possible to fall for two people? He wasn't sure, a frown played out on his face, maybe it was all a lie, maybe he really didn't care, maybe he just didn't want to be alone, and he knew James would be there no matter what, no matter how many out lashes Theodore had, and he knew Victoire would leave, hell he would leave, so why hadn't James yet? Victoire hadn't suffered physically as much as James, but James hadn't suffered emotionally as much as James, how did it all balance out? He wasn't sure.

**[I wanna hold you high, and steal your pain.]**

He rested his head back against the cold wall and stared up at the ceiling, well there was no ceiling but there were stars, it was such a beautiful night and how could something so disastrous happen on a night like this? It was calm and quiet yet the situation was quite the opposite, he pondered that and figured he might have gone mad – his thoughts settled back to Victoire and James, he didn't want to hurt either, but either road he took he would've hurt the other and they were cousins, he was breaking up family and… he didn't care one bit, well not until now, he was going to steal their pain away, and be the selfish conceited bastard he was.

**['Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away.]**

He closed his eyes and began to shout at himself in his head, he called himself every name in the book – which he was – and he began running over everything he had messed up. Why must he be so stupid? Why did he have to act like this? Half the dumb shit he's done he had no justified reason for doing, yet he would lie each time and say that he did, no, that was simply not the truth, he was doing things without thinking because he felt like it, because he liked hurting people, maybe that's why he decided to turn, and maybe that's why everything Salazar was saying made sense to him.

**[You've gone away; you don't feel me here anymore.]**

Now she was gone, his thoughts went back, and soon James would leave when he found out how much Theodore really loved Victoire, and he wouldn't want him to get him wrong, Theodore loved James just as much – feelings were so confusing, he wanted to just… stop feeling period. He wanted nothing more than to go numb, maybe he'd ask if there was a potion he could go on that would just make him emotionless, it would make things a lot simpler. He chuckled.

**[The worst is over now and we can breathe again,]**

He decided it was best to let her go, and it was best to let James go. They could both go off and be happy, and Theodore could be alone. Was there a law that said he /needed/ to have a boyfriend or girlfriend? No, no there wasn't, and him being a werewolf – that just made things easier, people would understand /why/ he wanted to be alone, they might not accept it, but they would understand all the same, maybe his father would back him up on the matter, though he was happy his father had found his mother and that they were happy, well maybe not happy, why would one be happy with a son like Theodore? No, but they were before all this happened, before Theodore grew up, before Theodore was born. Maybe if he just began acting like a child again – in a sense where he wasn't worried about dominance, or relationships, or mating – they could go back to being happy and loving him? It was a possibility. Why were things so fucked up in his head?

**[I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away.]**

Theodore considered drugs; muggles said they helped with pain? That was another possibility, just shoot one up in the arm every morning like he saw in the movies and everything would be just dandy.

No, he couldn't do that, that wouldn't be right to those around him, nobody would want to be around a drugged up werewolf, except during /that/ time of month. He shrugged his thoughts away and began rubbing his temples to rid himself of the headache that formed, more pain, just what he needed at that time.

**[There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight,]**

It was all done he decided. He took the picture in his hand and pulled his wand out, transforming the picture into a blank piece of parchment. He pulled a pen out from his pocket and pushed the parchment up to the wall, deciding it was time to get this all over with. He decided with the emotionless plan, just act like nothing bothered him, even when things tore him up on the inside.

**[I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away.]**

'Jamie,

I love you. You know that? I do, and I would never lie about that. Our situation… is much different than the situation I had with Victoire, and in some ways harder than the Victoire and myself situation, but in other ways the one between Victoire and myself is harder than this, it's a very confusing matter. But I can't put you or Victoire through pain. You'll both find people to love you and only you, something which I cannot do.

I'm sorry. It's over. I'll stay away from you.

Love,

Ted'

**['Cause I'm broken when I'm open, and I don't feel like I am strong enough.]**

The pen dropped as well as the parchment after he signed it, sliding away from him as he fell to his side and began to curl up in a ball, sobbing uncontrollably, why couldn't he be happy? Why did it all have to be like this? Why the fuck did he have to grow up? He wasn't strong enough for this, he was so weak… the only reason people saw him as strong was because he was an excellent manipulator just like she had said.

**['Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away.]**

He shivered on the cold ground, he wasn't sure how long he laid on the ground for, just staring at the parchment that was a few inches out of his grasp, he sniffled and coughed weakly, reaching out and grabbing the parchment, pulling it to him and pressing it to his lips as if to kiss both James – as the letter was for him, and Victoire – as the letter was made from the picture he cherished.

**['Cause I'm broken when I'm open, and I don't feel like I am strong enough.]**

He pushed himself off the ground only to fall back down from the weakness of his body and the shaking of his arms. He couldn't even /physically/ push himself off the ground, how could anyone expect him to emotionally keep himself off the ground and hold someone else up as well – yes in a relationship the other supports you as well – but Theodore was too stubborn to accept that help, he saw it as a weakness, he needed to get stronger, but he couldn't, both his lights in life were gone: broken.

**['Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away.]**

He crawled to the wall, using it as support to push himself off the ground, brushing the dirt off his pants and shirt though it didn't come off – he could care less. He stumbled – still using the wall as support – down the stairs to the side of the owlery, he felt so weak, he felt so alone, so cold, and he wished desperately he didn't have to do this – but he did, because in his mind, the longer he put it off, the harder it would be, and he couldn't do that to Jamie, and he couldn't do that to Victoire either which is why he'd give her the time she wanted.

Tears found themselves back to his eyes, staining his cheeks and blurring his vision as he weakly climbed the stairs and into the room where the school owls sat. He clutched the parchment tightly, crumbling it though not caring as he dragged himself across the room and handed an owl the letter. "James Sirius Potter…" he croaked and the bird hooted before flying off with said letter.

**['Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away.]**

Theodore fell to a sitting position, leaning against the wall and sliding down it, scraping his back though he welcomed the pain, it made him feel human, like he actually could feel pain and actually gave a fuck, or maybe he did give a fuck, he just didn't want to admit it, he had to have cared or why would he be torturing himself so much right now? He couldn't answer tha t question.

**[You've gone away… you don't feel me… anymore…]**

His eyes slowly drooped as he fell into an abyss.


End file.
